Loss and Grief

Introduction. Understanding grief

There are few emotional experiences in life that are as vast and overwhelming as the feeling of grief. The emotional turbulence of processing grief is one that we can never fully prepare for. We can never predict quite how we’ll respond when faced with loss, nor can we dictate how long it will take to adapt to life after loss. This article will discuss the complexity of our feelings when we lose a loved on and how to cope with loss and grief

Each time we experience it, the intensity may vary and our responses may surprise us. Ultimately, what we discover is that the process of healing is unique to each loss.

One thing is for certain, grief is emotionally demanding. It is perfectly normal to feel a wide range of emotions during times of grief, including shock, anger, anxiety, sadness and guilt. What is most important is that we find ways to honor those feelings, acknowledge the pain of loss, and give ourselves grace as we navigate this most difficult chapter.

The process of grieving

“I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.”

C.S. Lewis

It is widely accepted that there are 5 recognizable stages in the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

However, in practice, we often find that there are no set rules and there is no “correct” way to grieve. We may follow these stages in order, out of order, skip or return to several of them.

The experience of grief is very much an internal, individual one. Any and all of your feelings surrounding loss are valid. Your heart and mind will dictate your personal path to mourning and, eventually, healing.

It is helpful to be aware of some of the symptoms you may experience as you grieve. Taking note of the intensity of your symptoms will also help you determine if you need additional support in the form of professional counseling to help you cope with your loss and grief.

The symptoms of grief

The shock of experiencing grief can manifest in various ways, whether physical or psychological. Feelings of mourning can manifest as physical pain, bouts of illness, a change in appetite or disrupted sleep.

Psychological grief symptoms, which we are often more familiar with, may include depression, anxiety, guilt, confusion or even apathy.

You may experience any or all of these symptoms at various stages in your grieving process. Although these feelings are completely normal whilst mourning, they can often engulf you.

If you find yourself overwhelmed, consider consulting with a psychologist to discuss how to cope with your loss, grief and your symptoms. Grief counseling will help you navigate the mourning period so that it does not severely impact your health.

Unexpected sources of grief

Though we typically associate grief with the death of a loved one, there are many other unexpected sources of grief. It is not uncommon to experience a profound sense of loss at the end of a relationship, the death of a beloved pet, or the loss of a job.

These are all equally valid reasons to grieve, and such instances will often trigger intense emotions associated with loss.

Healing and coping with loss and grief

Time

For the majority of people, grief naturally lessens over time as we begin to accept our loss and move forward. This does not mean that the pain of grief will magically resolve. However, it will gradually become easier to navigate those feelings, as we begin to build our lives around and beyond the loss.

Support

The importance of support during the grieving period cannot be understated.

Surrounding ourselves with people who care about our wellbeing is essential so that we’re not isolated in our sorrow. Lean on a trusted friend or family member who will listen as you work through your feelings, or simply offer you company so that you are not alone during this difficult time.

If you are unable to access support through your immediate surroundings, please consider seeing a psychologist. A counselor will provide you with a safe space, guidance and support as you process your loss.

Expression

As grief is a personal journey, the ways in which we express our feelings may vary. Some will find comfort in openly discussing their loss with a trusted friend or professional grief counselor. Meanwhile, others will struggle to articulate their feelings entirely.

If you are unable to talk about your experience of loss, consider alternative methods of expression, such as journaling, creating artwork, or writing a letter of grief to the person you lost. These are safe ways to explore and reflect on the loss and your feelings, and will ultimately aid in your healing.

Supporting others suffering a loss

If someone you know is experiencing grief, then you may be struggling to find the right thing to say or the best way to comfort them.

Here are 3 simple ways you can help:

1. Be available to them. Clearly express that you are willing to listen if they would like to share their feelings or reminisce.
2. Give them the time they need to fully heal. Some people will process their loss faster than others, so it is important not to rush the process.
3. Check in on them periodically to see if they need any support. People are usually surrounded by well-wishers immediately following a loss, however it is important to check in on them even after some time has passed as they may still be struggling.
4. Offer to arrange an appointment with a psychologist if you feel that their grief is triggering mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety.

Complicated grief

“Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead.”

C.S. Lewis

One of the hardest obstacles to processing grief is the feeling of drowning in sorrow. It can entirely engulf us and cloud our judgement.

If you find that you, or someone you know, is spiraling into a deep depression due to grief, it is possible that you are experiencing “complicated grief”. This is when we become “stuck” in the grieving process to the point where it disrupts daily life.

Reaching out for professional support at this stage is essential in order to move away from fixating on the loss. A qualified psychologist can help guide you through the overwhelming waves of emotion, offering valuable insights, so that you begin to heal.

With professional support, you’ll engage with life once again, without diminishing the impact that your grief had on you.

For more information and support on how to cope with loss and grief contact our psychologists at CHMC in Dubai.

Sources

C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed, Faber and Faber, 1961

Mourning and the 5 stages of grief:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

How to Cope With the Physical Effects of Grief

https://www.verywellmind.com/physical-symptoms-of-grief-4065135

Coping with Grief and Loss and How It Affects our Mind and Bodies

https://www.unicef.org/armenia/en/stories/coping-grief-and-loss-and-how-it-affects-our-mind-and-bodies