Marriage Counselling and Couple’s Therapy in Dubai

Marriage Counselling and Couple’s Therapy at CHMC Clinic in Dubai

Good relationships are profoundly rewarding. In such relationships, we feel safe and secure, loved, understood, appreciated, and supported.

Good relationships between partners is the main attribute of better mental and physical health, positive parenting, good work performance and life satisfaction.

Most relationships begin with a great deal of positivity and mutual support; however, over the years dysfunction and unhappiness can creep into a relationship/marriage and even result in a divorce.

In my article about in-depth therapy for couples you can read more about the psychodynamics in couple relationships.

CHMC is German Psychiatric Clinic in Dubai treating the entire spectrum of mental health conditions and psychological problems. We offer couple therapy and marriage counselling provided by certified marriage counsellors.

Dr. John Gottman on Marriage Counselling and Couple’s Therapy

One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither partner recognizes its value until it’s too late. Too often, a good marriage is taken for granted instead of being nourished and respected as it deserves and needs. American psycholgist Dr. John Gottman has extensively studied marital relationships applying sound, scientific methodology in what he called his “love lab.” He identified principles that successful couples use to build a harmonious and lasting relationship. Gottman claimed to possess enough scientific data to observe a couple for about five minutes and predict with 91% accuracy whether they will divorce.

Gottman Test in Marriage Counselling and Couple’s Therapy

The Gottman Method in Marriage Counselling and Gottman Marriage and Relationship Test evaluates 15 categories across 4 pillars, which take regional, cultural and religious differences into account.

We offer the Gottman Marriage Test, giving you the detailed Gottman Relationship Checkup with an analysis, insights and recommendations that are tailored to you based on your responses.

The analysis and detailed report can also help getting started with couples therapy, such as the Gottman Method Couples Therapy. The report provides many insights that can aid you to identify key areas to solve for, which you can then discuss with our therapist.

Dynamics of Marital and Couple Relationships

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Especially in the early stages, it can be particularly turbulent. Your partner is new, with different interests and habits. Understanding and accepting them can take time.

When everything eventually falls into place and you both can hardly imagine a future without each other, it’s time for the next step: engagement and marriage. A wedding not only binds two people closer together but also serves as a special symbol of love. When two people decide to tie the knot, they show they’re ready for more responsibility and can look forward to a shared life full of exciting adventures.

Qualities Helping Maintaining Balanced Marriage and Couple’s Relationships

The components for a balanced and happy couple relationships are:

Patience

No one is perfect! Especially in a marriage, we should remember this phrase because mistakes and minor disagreements will definitely occur. However, it’s a bad sign if you or your partner shows impatience in such situations. Giving up quickly in a relationship following the conviction “next time I will find my ideal partner” is rather immatur. It’s different when both of you are patient and convey to each other that you can understand each other. Of course, this won’t always be the case. However, a happy marriage thrives on compromises and communication. If these two factors are in place, no hurdle is too big.

Honesty

To fall in love with someone, it’s not always just about appearances. Sure, the beard or physique may play a role in the first impression, but it should be the character traits that captivate you. If you’re always honest with your partner and they are equally honest with you, it’s a sign that you can trust each other blindly. If you want to have a happy and long-lasting relationship, this is an important aspect. As soon as either of you starts keeping secrets or lying, the tables can quickly turn, and mistrust will become a part of everyday life.

Couples and Marital Problems

It’s important to view marriage as a commitment. Such a commitment is not broken just because difficulties arise. When you said “I do,” it was accompanied by the promise to be there for each other even in bad times. This perspective can motivate you to weather the marital crisis together rather than giving up prematurely.

Escalation, Crisis and Divorce in Marriage and Couples Relationships

When married couples are asked why they divorced, a common answer is often: “We just grew apart.” Life as a whole is a process of development and learning. That’s why it’s entirely possible for a once healthy relationship to not work anymore because one or both partners have changed.

Is a Marital Crisis a Reason for Separation and Divorce?

Whether a marital crisis warrants a divorce depends, of course, on the individual case. If a breach of trust has been too severe or if both spouses have developed in completely different directions, separation might be the only solution. However, this by no means implies that every marital crisis must end up in the divorce lawyer’s office. On the contrary: If the problems are constructively dealt with together, you as a couple can even emerge stronger from them.

Changes don’t have to be negative to trigger a marital crisis; positive changes can also be decisive. For example, the birth of a child. When suddenly nothing is the same as it once was, you as a couple must rediscover each other. Some couples fail this challenge.

Signs Preceding a Divorce

One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither partner recognizes its value until it’s too late. Too often, a good marriage is taken for granted instead of being nourished and respected as it deserves and needs.

Dr.Gottman identified six indices preliminary to a divorce. By the way couples argue, the risk of divorce can be estimated.

First sign: A Rough Start

If a discussion begins with criticism, sarcasm, contempt, etc., it’s a “rough start.” Research shows that if an argument starts this way, it will almost certainly end on a negative note, regardless of attempts to be “nice.”

Second Sign: “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

These four horsemen typically trample into the center of a marriage in the following order: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

The first horseman: Criticism

Complaining about the person you live with will inevitably happen. But there’s a vast difference between a complaint and criticism. A complaint targets a specific incident where your spouse did something wrong. Criticism, on the other hand, is broader, involving negative comments about your partner’s character or personality. While a complaint focuses on a particular behavior, criticism makes things bigger by involving blame and condemning character. The problem with criticism is that when it becomes habitual, it paves the way for other, more dangerous horsemen.

The second horseman: Contempt

Sarcasm and cynicism are expressions of contempt. The same goes for cursing, eye-rolling, mockery, and disrespectful, disdainful humor. However, contempt manifests – the most dangerous of the four horsemen – it always poisons a relationship by expressing dislike. It’s nearly impossible to solve a problem when a partner feels rejected. Thus, contempt inevitably leads to conflict rather than resolution.

The third horseman: Defensiveness

While it’s understandable to defend oneself, research shows that this approach rarely yields desired results. The attacking partner doesn’t back down or apologize. That’s because defensiveness is essentially a way to blame the partner. In essence, it says, “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.” Defensiveness only escalates the conflict.

The fourth horseman: Stonewalling

In marriages where discussions start with a rough beginning, and where criticism and contempt lead to defensiveness, which in turn generates more contempt and more defensiveness, one partner sometimes shuts down. This signals the arrival of the fourth horseman.

Imagine a husband coming home from work, encountering a wall of criticism from his wife, and then hiding behind the newspaper. The less he responds, the more she scolds. Eventually, he might get up and leave the room. Instead of engaging with his wife, he prefers to withdraw. By turning away from her, he avoids a fight but also his marriage. He (often the husband) stonewalls.

Third Sign: Flooding

Usually, a partner stonewalls to protect themselves from flooding. Flooding means the partner’s negativity becomes so overwhelming and sudden that it’s staggering. If flooding is frequent, it indicates an impending separation.

Fourth Sign: Body Signals

Arguments can stress the body: increased heart rate, sweating, etc. During such an adrenaline rush, one can’t communicate or listen properly.

Men and women are truly different: In 85% of marriages, it’s the man who stonewalls. After an argument, a man’s heart rate and blood pressure will remain elevated longer than a woman’s. Thus, men tend to avoid arguments because they stress them more than women. Men also dwell more on negative thoughts that upset them than women.

This leads to a conflict pattern often found: The woman handles stress better and thus brings up sensitive topics more often than the man. The man tries to avoid getting drawn into a discussion. He’ll justify, stonewall, or quickly become combative to silence the woman.

Fifth Sign: Failed Repair Attempts

Repair attempts are efforts to diffuse tension during a difficult discussion. Constant failure of repair attempts is a clear indication of an impending separation. Whether a repair attempt succeeds has little to do with its sophistication. The state of the marriage is crucial.

Sixth Sign: Bad Memories

In a marriage where the past is perceived negatively, there’s a high risk of separation. Healthy couples tend to forget the negative and remember mainly the positive aspects.

An affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of this marriage could have been predicted long ago (see the six signs).

Problems in Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy and Their Solutions

Below we present some examples of common problems in relationships and how to solve them.

Jealousy in Couples Relationship

Jealousy is a classic relationship issue. But if you’re controlling your partner, it harms mutual trust. There might be various reasons for mistrust, sometimes rooted in negative past experiences, sometimes related to the early childhood.

Stay faithful to each other. Infidelity is a classic cause of marital crisis. Temptations are human, but giving in to them indicates something missing in your marriage. Therefore, it’s important to not neglect romance and sexuality even in long-term marriages. Perhaps it’s time for a little variety?

Misunderstandings in Couples Relationship

Throughout the day, we talk to colleagues or strangers at work, leaving little time for conversation with our partners. Plus, men often don’t like to talk excessively. However, communication is crucial for relationships. To create closeness, partners should not only discuss wishes and fears but also share everyday experiences. Nothing is too mundane or unimportant. Even what you had for lunch might be more interesting to your partner than you think. What matters more is that you talk, not what you talk about. The therapist would say: most misunderstandings arise from inadequate communication.

Solution: Don’t pressure each other! After a big change, it takes time to find a new rhythm. It’s best to think ahead about what the upcoming changes could look like and how you want to deal with them. Establish rituals. For instance, cook together more often and discuss your day. Or take a walk around the block before dinner. Even if it’s difficult, try to speak up and ask your partner about their day. To show that you’re listening, respond to their statements and pick up on their words. This assures them that you’ve understood and makes them feel heard. Ideally, be genuinely interested; it won’t feel forced then.

Partner Braking Promises

“We’ll do this, I promise!” From this casual remark, a significant relationship problem can arise if promises aren’t kept or continually postponed. Don’t make promises to your partner if you aren’t certain that you can fulfil them promptly. Multiple postponements can erode trust in your relationship.

Demand and Retreat

“You never talk about your feelings!” This accusation is more frequently levelled by women at their partners. But this can become a vicious cycle: Your partner doesn’t know what you want to hear and withdraws. You demand more, they retreat further. You can only break this cycle of dissatisfaction through communication.

Financial Problems

Money is either a contentious issue or one not discussed in relationships, both detrimental to love. First, reflect on the topic alone: Are your financial expectations really so different? Often, couples with similar values come together. Spendthrifts and penny-pinchers seldom travel the same path long-term.

Solution: Never discuss money in an argument. Instead, schedule a time to calmly discuss your household finances. Openly explain your stance to your partner and listen to their opinion. Look for solutions together and be willing to compromise. If you can’t find common ground, consider separating your finances rather than having a joint account. One thing is certain: money isn’t worth breaking love over.

Differing Future Plans or No Plans at All

Another common reason for a marital crisis is differing future plans. If your visions are far apart, crisis is practically inevitable. So, regularly discuss future planning in all aspects of life (career, family, residence). Are your visions aligned?

Discuss your future plans together.

No Spending Time Together

He wants to go to the movies, she wants to go kite surfing, and conflict arises. Having different ideas about how to spend time together isn’t necessarily bad if both of you can pursue your interests in the end. Work, sports, friend gatherings, kids, and other commitments – a week flies by, leaving little time for your partner. Yet, shared quality time is the cornerstone of long-term happiness. If your relationship fails, everything else in your life will suffer. Therefore, it’s essential to value your time together. It’s also a prerequisite for good communication and emotional closeness.

What to do? Allow each other space to pursue individual hobbies. But if you’re unhappy because your partner doesn’t share your interests, clarify exactly what you’re expecting. Make time! If necessary, mark it firmly on your shared calendar. Find common interests and space for exchange. For example, go out to eat, or take long walks together. Crucially, keep all electronic devices off and ritualize these mini-dates.

Arguing About Household Chores

Cleaning, laundry, dishwashing – few topics cause more everyday conflicts than household chores. Interestingly, it’s often not about the unfair division but rather lack of appreciation. So, when your partner complains about always unloading the dishwasher, they’re not necessarily saying they dislike it. They just wish you’d recognize their effort and not take it for granted.

What to do? Express gratitude more often. This doesn’t mean delivering a speech every time your partner cleans the toilet. But thanking your partner for taking care of groceries or ironing, for example, lets them know you appreciate it. It’s simple yet highly effective!

Deterioration of Intimate Life

When we’re newly in love, nothing else matters. But as the relationship progresses, the frustrating phrase “Sorry, no time!” crops up more often. Our priorities shift to daily life routine, and quality time together slips down the list. In many cases, a lack of intimacy in the bedroom isn’t due to disinterest but rather a loss of emotional closeness in the relationship. Affection decreases, and the desire for shared intimacy wanes.

Solution: A decline in emotional closeness is common amidst busy lives, but you shouldn’t accept it permanently. Take action. Functional sex is vital for your relationship’s health. To reignite your sex life, you don’t necessarily need a sexual therapist or self-help books. Reestablish emotional connection through deep, meaningful conversations. Embrace each other, touch tenderly. Once closeness is restored, set aside time for sex. Make plans or book a hotel. Afterwards, let things flow naturally.

How Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy at CHMC in Dubai Works?

We’ve already informed you about the signs of a possible marital crisis. Ideally, though, you won’t let it get that far in the first place. Of course, it’s hardly possible to avoid every crisis. However, by addressing the most common causes of marital crises, you can still take preventive action. If the “self-help” strategies fail you need a professional couple/marriage counsellor.

Couple therapy & marriage counseling at our CHMC clinic in Dubai focuses on many aspects of the relationship. During couple therapy an insightful counsellor helps people gain understanding about themselves and their relationship by encouraging their holistic view.

Our couples and marriage counsellors focus on relationship dynamics to uncover dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Our goal is to improve couples’ communication, solving misunderstandings and facilitating their happiness.

Family and marriage therapists take many factors into consideration in their work with couples. The socio-cultural context, as well as the impact how you were parented and how the parents treated each other, gender differences, individual differences, and the challenges of modern life are all areas of relevance in couple’s counselling.

A Safe Setting in Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy at CHMC in Dubai

Marriage counselling at our psychiatric clinic in Dubai offers a safe setting. In the safety of a couple’s therapy and session, couples are empowered to communicate openly about their feelings and needs. Counselling helps bringing up unspoken issues to the forefront and facilitates addressing them. Past incidents/disappointment are processed, so this “extra baggage” can be put down and not continue to intrude on the present. It is through open communication that couples move forward in a positive way.

Happy and Unhappy Couples and Marital Relationship

There are certain signs that reveal whether you and your loved one are already leading a happy (or unhappy) couple relationship:

Unhappy Couple

• show greater negative expression of emotions or feelings towards oneself.
• they have a higher ratio of negativity than positivity.
• have more negative views on their spouses or other important people.
• show criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling (withdrawal).
• show more patterns of “wife demanding and husband withdrawing.”
• think negatively about your partners and create negative narratives about their marriage.
• have greater physiological arousal (blood pressure, sweat, etc.) than happy marriages.

Happy Couple

• turn to yourselves. During their daily interaction, partners “turn” towards each other, not “turn away”. Basically, it means that interest, excitement, and irritability are shared and answered.
• During daily discussions and casual conversation, partners comfort each other with interest, affection, appreciation, empathy, humor, etc.
• Each partner knows his partner’s world and constantly updates this knowledge.
• show admiration and sympathy. Marriage partners show each other spontaneous admiration and affection.
• The apologies (verbal, humorous, gift etc.) are accepted and tension is dissipated.
• Partners tend to gently tackle controversial topics. These positive start-ups prevent emotional flooding and physiological arousal.
• Husbands, in particular, benefit from the soft start.
• The partners influence each other respectfully. The conflict is mitigated by assertive persuasion to find a solution.
• Show a positive effect. This means there is a lot of interest, affection, humor, and appreciation.

Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy at CHMC in Dubai. Conclusion

One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither partner recognizes its value until it’s too late. Too often, a good marriage is taken for granted instead of being nourished and respected as it deserves and needs.

Even after many years of marriage, spouses want to be appreciated by each other. Appreciation in this case has nothing to do with expensive gifts or elaborate gestures. Rather, it’s about being there for each other as humans. Pay attention to each other and listen. Show consideration for each other in everyday life and don’t betray each other’s trust.

If the relationship reaches such stage preventing further escalation is very hard. However, it’s important to remember: A partnership must be nurtured! Don’t stop making an effort for each other once you’re married. Take an active interest in each other’s wishes and needs.

What to Expect from Marriage Counselling and Couples Therapy at CHMC in Dubai

Your therapist will impart information on improving general communication and advanced communication skills. During couple therapy & marriage counseling the differences between functional and dysfunctional relationships and life-styles are emphasized. When couples have children, a counsellor will also address parenting issues that cause conflict and impart basic positive parenting techniques. Counsellors also give information on positive conflict resolution techniques and the basics of solution focused discussion. A counsellor will emphasize and encourage the four basic elements required for a healthy relationship: * Respect * Honesty * Equality * Communication *

Today’s couple therapy & marriage counsellors have the advantage of having a vast amount of research findings at their disposal to be aware of consistent patterns within couple & marriages or relationships. Couple’s counsellors help couples identify dysfunctional patterns of behaviour, so the couple can replace them with functional patterns. The end goal is to facilitate marital stability and happiness, and to highlight that relationships require ongoing attention.

Read more:

What Is Marriage Counselling?

Psychodynamic Therapy in Couple Counselling

Collusions. Psychodynamic Concept of Relationships

Tension, Conflicts, Divorce. Addressing Infidelity

Reasearch on Marriage Counselling

Sources

Gottman, John: Annu. Rev. Psychol. 1998, 49:169-97

Gottman, John (1994). “What makes marriage work?”. Psychology Today. 27 (2): 38–43.

Sternberg, J. “Satisfaction in close relationships”, Guilford Press, 1997, p. 344

Kaslow, Florence W.; Patterson, Terence (2004-01-30). Comprehensive Handbook of Psychotherapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Approaches. John Wiley & Sons. ISBN 9780471211006.

Chapman and Compton: (2003) From Traditional Behavioral Couple Therapy to Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy: New Research Directions The Behavior Analyst Today, 4 (1), 17 -25 BAO

Christensen A, Atkins DC, Yi J, Baucom DH, & George WH. (2006). The couple and individual adjustment for 2 years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. J Consult Clin Psychol. 74(6):1180-91

Gottman, John M. (1993). “A theory of marital dissolution and stability”. Journal of Family Psychology. 7 (1): 57–75. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.7.1.57

Lauer, Robert H. (1994). Marriage and family: the quest for intimacy. Madison, Wis.Brown & Benchmark,