When married couples are asked why they divorced, a common answer is often: “We just grew apart.” Life as a whole is a process of development and learning. That’s why it’s entirely possible for a once healthy marriage relationship to not work anymore because one or both partners have changed.
Whether a marital crisis warrants divorce depends, of course, on the individual case. If a breach of trust has been too severe or if both spouses have developed in completely different directions, separation might be the only solution. However, this by no means implies that every marital crisis must end up in the divorce lawyer’s office. On the contrary, if the problems are constructively dealt with together, you as a couple can even emerge stronger from them.
For Couples Therapy Contact our Psychologists
John Gottman created a set of roles helping the couples to solve their marrital problems.
Jealousy in Couples Relationship
Jealousy is a classic relationship issue. Exaggeratedly controlling the partner harms mutual trust. There might be various reasons for mistrust, sometimes rooted in negative past experiences, sometimes related to early childhood.
Stay faithful to each other. Infidelity is a classic cause of marital crises. Temptations are human, but giving in to them indicates something missing in the marriage. Therefore, it’s important to not neglect romance and sexuality even in long-term marriages.
Misunderstandings in Couples Relationship
Throughout the day, we talk to colleagues or strangers at work, leaving little time for conversation with our partners. Plus, men often don’t like to talk excessively. However, communication is crucial for relationships. To create closeness, partners should not only discuss wishes and fears but also share everyday experiences.
Nothing is too mundane or unimportant. What matters more is that partners talk to each other. Most misunderstandings arise from inadequate communication.
Solution:
Don’t pressure each other! After a big change, it takes time to find a new rhythm. It’s best to think ahead about what the upcoming changes could look like and how to deal with them. Establish rituals. For instance, cook together more often and discuss your day. Even if it’s difficult, try to speak to the partner about the daily routine. It shows that there is mutual interest in a partner’s life.
Partner Braking Promises
“We’ll do this, I promise!” From this casual remark, a significant relationship problem can arise if promises aren’t kept or continually postponed. Don’t make promises to the partner if you are not able to fulfil them. Multiple postponements can erode trust in the relationship.
Demand and Retreat
“You never talk about your feelings!” This accusation is more frequently levelled by women at their partners. But this can become a vicious cycle: the partner doesn’t know what the other wants to hear and withdraws. This cycle of dissatisfaction can be broken through communication.
Financial Problems
Money is either a contentious issue or one not discussed in relationships, both detrimental to love. First, reflect on the topic alone: Are your financial expectations really so different? Often, couples with similar values come together. Spendthrifts and penny-pinchers seldom travel the same path long-term.
Solution:
Never discuss money in an argument. Instead, schedule a time to calmly discuss your household finances. Openly explain your stance to your partner and listen to their opinion. Look for solutions together and be willing to compromise. If you can’t find common ground, consider separating your finances rather than having a joint account. One thing is certain: money isn’t worth breaking love over.
Differing Future Plans or No Plans at All
Another common reason for a marital crisis is differing future plans. If your visions are far apart, crisis is practically inevitable. So, regularly discuss future planning in all aspects of life (career, family, residence). Are your visions aligned?
Discuss your future plans together.
No Spending Time Together
He wants to go to the movies, she wants to go kite surfing, and conflict arises. Having different ideas about how to spend time together isn’t necessarily bad if both of you can pursue your interests in the end. Work, sports, friend gatherings, kids, and other commitments—a week flies by, leaving little time for your partner. Yet, shared quality time is the cornerstone of long-term happiness. If your relationship fails, everything else in your life will suffer. Therefore, it’s essential to value your time together. It’s also a prerequisite for good communication and emotional closeness.
What to do? Allow each other space to pursue individual hobbies. But if you’re unhappy because your partner doesn’t share your interests, clarify exactly what you’re expecting. Make time! If necessary, mark it firmly on your shared calendar. Find common interests and space for exchange. For example, go out to eat or take long walks together. Crucially, keep all electronic devices off and ritualise these mini-dates.
Arguing About Household Chores
Cleaning, laundry, dishwashing—a few topics cause more everyday conflicts than household chores. Interestingly, it’s often not about the unfair division but rather lack of appreciation. So, when your partner complains about always unloading the dishwasher, they’re not necessarily saying they dislike it. They just wish you’d recognise their effort and not take it for granted.
What to do? Express gratitude more often. This doesn’t mean delivering a speech every time your partner cleans the toilet. But thanking your partner for taking care of groceries or ironing, for example, lets them know you appreciate it. It’s simple yet highly effective!
Deterioration of Intimate Life
When we’re newly in love, nothing else matters. But as the relationship progresses, the frustrating phrase “Sorry, no time!” crops up more often. Our priorities shift to our daily life routine, and quality time together slips down the list. In many cases, a lack of intimacy in the bedroom isn’t due to disinterest but rather a loss of emotional closeness in the relationship. Affection decreases, and the desire for shared intimacy wanes.
Solution: A decline in emotional closeness is common in busy lives, but you shouldn’t accept it permanently. Take action. Functional sex is vital for your relationship’s health. To reignite your sex life, you don’t necessarily need a sexual therapist or self-help books. Re-establish emotional connection through deep, meaningful conversations. Embrace each other; touch tenderly. Once closeness is restored, set aside time for sex. Make plans or book a hotel. Afterwards, let things flow naturally.
Read More about Marriage Counselling
- Couple Therapy & Marriage Counselling
- Psychodynamic Therapy in Marriage Counselling
- Collusion in Couples Relationship
- Gottman Method in Marriage Counselling
- Principles for Saving the Marriage
- Signs Preceding Divorce
- Solutions for Couples Problems
- Counselling for Pathological Jealousy
- Addressing Infidelity in Marriage
- Marriage Counseling Research Based